Banana Yoshimoto, Kitchen
Recently my brain has been getting these weird moments where small tasks seem insanely difficult or strange.
For instance my boss had me write a phone number down and as he said them I was like “Oh my god, how am I supposed to make sense of those words/sounds and cognitively understand them in my mind and transcribe it onto this paper using symbols that are apparently supposed to mean those words he just said.” As I still somehow then right them down and am somehow amazed that they correlate correctly…or at all.
Or when he asks me to spell something for him, I get this weirded out sensation as if it is impossible to transfer such information or spell it out as if the two (language and writing/spelling?) Do not correlate. Yet I still spell it out somehow as I try not to freeze and I say the letters and almost seem amazed they somehow correlate.
I got an email about a mindfulness seminar regarding BDD (actually it’s not just BDD but I’d taken a BDD assessment test so, it specified BDD) and the proceeding thoughts followed:
Oh maybe that’d be good to go to (in theory, actually being there, getting there, etc….whole different topic)
Wait, why would I go, I am actually just as fat and ugly as I think. I don’t have BDD.
I really don’t think I do though.
At least not really.
My brain gets confused.
I’m going to stop now…
I had a dream I woke up at 6:17 instead of my normal 4:30 and preceeded in the dream to panic and cry and want to hit things.
I hate when you get stressful dreams like that and wake up feeling tired…but glad it wasn’t real. But then it’s also kind of sad
and almost wish it was real so I’d have to deal with it.
|Grampa:||No church today?|
|Me:||I'm doing homework.|
|(I have to repeat a few times for him to understand.)|
|Grampa:||So what do you want to be anyways?|
|Grampa:||Well you need some studying.|
|*walks away* Dumbass.....|
|Me thinking:||WTF does that even mean?!?|
Miyavi is getting a little to “main stream” sounding for me….
I like making friends and socializing I am just incredibly bad at it.
My puppy cuddled with me while I was asleep and then jumped off the bed about five seconds before my alarm went off, so I had a pre-alarm. Then he came back in the room once it turned off.
You’re allowed to be sad, but please don’t think that nobody loves you.